Category: Brain Output

• Slugs are gastropod molluscs and are descended from snails. Over time, the necessity of the shell was reduced in some species to become either nonexistent, small and unnoticeable, or internal.
• Slugs are vile creatures that will destroy a garden or other beautiful plants in your yard.
• Slugs, though composed primarily of water, will not pop, no matter how long you hold a lighter to them.
• The mucous slugs produce to protect their disgusting insides turns to the consistency of rubber cement when a flame is applied. Mass extermination of slugs with fire could produce the world’s next great adhesive. (100% organic!)
• Salt does not immediately kill a slug but causes it to die in slow, torturing agony. This method should be used whenever salt is available. Keep small restaurant packets in your pocket for such occasions.
• People who defend the disgustingness of slugs hate freedom, kittens, apple pie, and everything you hold sacred.
• Slugs were invented by Satan as a way to add disgustingness to the planet Earth.
• Destroy slugs whenever you see them. Animals that depend on slugs for food are not doing a good enough job and must be forced to expand their menu.
• If you are an invertebrate biologist with a raging one for slugs, do not speak to me. Unfriend me.

It was 10:30pm Pacific time.

I had one new voicemail. I knew why. The wireless service near my family’s restaurant was terrible. I stepped outside to get enough bars to find out what couldn’t wait until morning.

“Corey, this is Howie Mandel. I was so impressed to hear about your last performance that I wanted to invite you to dinner with me this evening in San Francisco at La Paz.”

With my jaw still partially dropped, I went back inside to deliver the news to my dad. He was sitting on a stool near the front counter, and he could tell I was awestruck.

Before he could even ask what had me in such a daze, I blurted out, “Howie Mandel just invited me to dinner at La Paz!”

“Tonight?” my dad replied, not reciprocating my excitement as I had anticipated. “It’s a little late for dinner.” (more…)

It all started when I wanted to take a martial arts class (not to be confused with marital arts which is something completely different). I asked around here and there, and I was eventually directed to Gold’s Gym, where it was believed that there were weekly martial arts classes. “Great! That’s near where I work!” I thought. I scheduled a tour of the facilities and promised myself that I would not purchase a gym membership. In fact, I was so serious about this, I had several friends text me throughout the day to affirm that resolution. After all, I didn’t want a gym membership. Treadmills, ellipticals, and spinning classes are fine I guess, but I didn’t want any of that. I want a mat on the floor and Asian writing on the walls.

Was that too much to ask? Yes, it was. (more…)

Someone with whom to split the utilities. It’s quite simple: I’m looking for someone to pay half. You don’t get to use the utilities, and you don’t get to live with me. You do, however, get to enjoy the fact that you are making my world a happier place in which to live. Please email me directly regarding the position.